The Odyssey of Allen Walker
by Lai Jun Chen
Summary: Allen returns to the Order, but life isn't any less hecitc. Still persued by persistent, unreasonable suitors, Allen is in constant fear for his sanity and his virginity. Not to mention Komui's new 'Allen complex.' Sequel to Like Helen of Troy. AllenxAll
1. Persued by Many

This is the sequel to **Like Helen of Troy**. This is the Dark Order version, as was requested by a few people. I hope you all like this as much as you enoyed the first part.

I own nothing but the plot.

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**The Odyssey of Allen Walker**

**Chapter One**

Three weeks after Allen returned to the Dark Order.

~The bedroom of Allen Walker

"What the bloody hell do you think you're _doing_ here, Tyki?"

"I wanted to see you Shounen. Ever since you were stolen away by that stupid ponytail samurai… I can't stop thinking about you… more than usual. I so desperately wanted to see you."

"And I know just _what_ you were thinking about me, I'm sure! Well, now you've seen me. Would you please get out of my room before someone finds out you're here and tries to kill you. Before _I_ try to kill you."

"Allen, my love, you wouldn't really kill me would you? And even if you wanted me dead, surely you wouldn't anyone else to kill me, yes?"

"…there is something _wrong_ with you." As he said this Tyki had been slowly backing Allen to the bed.

"I'm love sick, Allen love. Only you can cure me." The white haired teen was abruptly pinned to the aforementioned bed.

"Tyki Mi-" Allen was cut off by the lips of a certain sexy Noah. The younger was only wide-eyed and pissed off for a moment. As soon as tanned hands began slowly, sensually moving up Allen's pale sides he was lost. Tyki's hands moved to wrap around the boys back as he started to kiss and bite down his neck. The little moan these actions dragged from Allen's throat was absolutely _divine_ to the Noah's ears.

"_Tyki_." It seemed the only thing the Exorcist was capable of saying.

Just as Tyki was about to do a little victory dance in his head, a wall exploded behind him and a veritable monster emerged (read: Komurin).

Komui focused on Allen with an intensity that would have scared even Lenalee.

"Allen-kun! Are you alright? Are you okay? Has anyone touched you?"

"No Komui-san, I'm fine. But you're Komurin just destroyed my wall, so-"

"Don't worry about that Allen-kun. I've built a new room for you already. It's 100% guaranteed to keep all these horrible, slimy octopi away from you. And-… Allen, who is this nefarious looking fellow lurking in your room?"

"He's just a pervert who won't leave me be, Komui-san." Allen grinned evilly, knowing what kind of reaction those words would get him because of Komui's new 'Allen complex.'

"But Allen, my love, I'm not a pervert, I just-"

"'_Just'_ what, Tyki? We went over this last week. A person does not express love by constantly trying to get into the other person's _pants_! Honestly…"

"Allen-kun, has this fellow been trying to… to _violate_ you?" An evil glint entered Komui's eyes. "Mwahahahaha! You will now face the wrath of Komurin XIV: Allen Version! My latest and greatest invention!"

Tyki looked truly concerned. "Uh, Allen, is this really necessary…?" Tyki tried to hide behind Allen, to no avail. "What _is_ that thing?"

"You brought this upon yourself-"

"Haha! I can finally test out the new brainwashing feature of Komur-"

"Allen-kun, what's going on here? We heard so much…noise…" Lenalee and Lavi stood by the remnants of Allen's door in shock as they took in the scene before them. Komurin was currently trying to pry an oddly frightened looking Noah of Pleasure off of a very annoyed looking Allen Walker.

"Ah! Lenalee, Lavi. So good to see you. Do you think you could help get this bloody _persistent_ Noah _off_ of me?"

"O-Of, course Allen-kun," Lenalee all but stammered. "Komui-nii-san, have Komurin let go of the pervert-stalker-Noah. We'll take care of him."

("I'm not a pervert!" "But you admit to being a stalker?" "...")

"But Lenalee!"

"Nii-san!" Knowing that her tone usually meant the imminent destruction of one of his beloved Komurin, he left. Turning back to Allen and Tyki, the Chinese Exorcist had an odd sense of déjà-vu.

"Get off Allen-chan, Beauty-Mark. He obviously doesn't want you."

"How would you know you stupid rabbit? Allen could get rid of me himself, but he hasn't yet. He's just embarrassed about his feelings."

"Yeah, right. Allen-chan has always liked me best! We've been best friends since-"

"Exactly. Best _friends_. Once the friendship set in you were never going to get anywhere with Allen."

Allen sunk to the floor in a far corner of his room, his head in his hands as the two men continued to fight over him. Lenalee carefully made her way over and sat down beside him.

"You know, Allen-kun, this might end if you just _picked_ someone." She tried to smile encouragingly.

"It's not that easy, Lenalee. It's just… I honestly don't know who to pick. I mean, Waizurely _sort of_ lost interest, Road only promised to give up if I date Kanda, Lulubelle and I are just friends now that she's interested in Krowly, but that still leaves Lavi, Tyki, and Kanda. And they all have qualities I like. By the way, where is Kanda?"

And, as if summoned by his name, Kanda appeared in the ruined door frame. Lenalee and Allen could tell that he was not pleased by the scene that greeted him.

Uncharacteristically, the Samurai did not enter the fray. Using his ninja like skills, he swooped past Lavi and Tyki, grabbed his Moyashi and dashed away without alerting the combatants to his presence. Lenalee continued to sit on Allen's floor with a bemused expression on her face.

~ "What the hell Bakanda? What are you doing? Would you put me down?"

"Shut up, Moyashi. I just saved you from those two idiots. Be grateful."

"_Grateful_? I didn't need to be saved. And _least_ of all by you. What I need now is to be saved _from_ you. You're going to molest me, _again_, I just know it."

"What are you talking about, Moyashi? You're mine. I can molest you all I want. Besides, you didn't seem to mind too much last time, hardly resisted at all."

"Argh! God damnitt, BaKanda. It's _Allen_! Put me down! And I didn't 'resist' last time because you tied me up, you perverted, sadistic jerk!"

"Che, whatever Moyashi. And- fuck! God damnitt Komui, get that damn robot out of my way!"

Komui and Komurin XIV: Allen Version, loomed ahead of them. It seemed that Komui's 'Allen is in danger' sensors had kicked in again.

"Stray here, Moyashi." Setting Allen down, Kanda drew his Mugen, apparently intent on destroying the nuisance that wanted to keep him from getting the frazzled, white haired Exorcist to his room. More specifically, to his _bed_.

"Get the hell out of the way, Komui. I _will_ cut you down."*(1)

Allen shrunk against a wall and started to back away from Kanda and Komurin XIV as soon as they began fighting. He began to round a corner still carefully pressed against the stone wall. A moment after rounding said corner, a hand forcefully stopped his progress. Slowly turning his head, half in caution, half in fear, Allen was confronted with the visage of Lavi.

"Jesus, Lavi! You scared me nearly to death. What are you..." Allen's voice trailed off of it's own accord as he noticed that Lavi didn't seem to be looking into his eyes as he spoke, but staring intently at his lips. He twitched nervously.

"Allen..." the Junior Bookman said rather distractedly.

"Uh, um, Lavi? Are you... alright? You seem-" Allen was cut off as he was shoved against the wall he'd been slinking against moments before. Not half a second later he found that Lavi was kissing him, with one hand behind his head, the other around his waist. Allen unexpectedly melted, his arms unconsciously wrapping around the red head's neck. However, before it could become anything more, a battered looking Komui and Komurin XIV rounded the corner.

"Stay away from Allen-kun, Junior Bookman, or Komurin XIV will be forced to kill you."

In a mix of shock and fear, Lavi let go of the younger Exorcist.

"I'm surprised at you, Lavi. I had thought that those of the Bookman clan had better self-control. How could you try to corrupt poor, innocent-"

Komui never finished his sentence. At that moment a battered looking Samurai approached them. Lavi took Kanda's appearance as his cue to flee with his Allen. They didn't make it far, nearly running into the Noah who had just materialized through the floor.

"That was sneaky, Red," Tyki grinned viciously. "But now it's time to hand over Allen and get lost."

"Like hell! Allen doesn't want to go with you, creepy Beauty-Mark. He wants to be with me, so _you_ 'get lost.'"

"What the hell did you just say baka Usagi? Why would the Moyashi ever want to be with such an idiot?"

"Better an idiot than a temperamental, rude, _wannabe_ Samurai."

"Better that than a devious, smartass, one-eyed Usagi."

"So now we're attacking aesthetics, Yu-_chan_? I'm way better looking. And my looks would compliment Allen so much better than yours. At least I look like a man, not a femish, petite, transgender."

"Are you saying I look like a girl, Usagi? It's traditional for a Samurai to have long hair, baka. And even if I did look feminine, how do you know Moyashi _wouldn't_ prefer that? I'm obviously prettier than you."

"Of course he doesn't want someone who looks like a girl, otherwise he'd date a real girl, moron. And besides, I'm sure Allen-chan would rather have someone strong and capable who looks like they could protect him and care for him."

"Idiot, Allen and I have a way higher sync ratio than you. And who said I... _necessarily_.. _had_ to be the dominant one in the relationship. At least I'd let him choose! I wouldn't mind if..." Kanda flushed, shifting his feet nervously "...if Moyashi topped. He's obviously stronger." Kanda looked both distracted and embarrassed at the idea of he and Moyashi in bed.

Lavi and Tyki just stared at the Japanese male for a while. They didn't seem to notice as a bright red, deeply mortified, but rather flattered Allen Walker began to inch away from them, Komui and his Komurin XIV right at his side.

"Well, I guess I could trade off with Allen. I mean... I'm older and bigger than him, so... it's a little weird, but if it means being with the bean sprout..."

"The two of you are so off about Allen," Tyki said. Lavi and Kanda started. They'd pretty much forgotten about the Noah.

"We're wrong about him? We know him better than you, you damn Noah!"

"I know that what the lovely, little Allen really wants is to be _dominated_. He's stronger than all of you. He protects all of you. He's the leader. He just wants someone else to take over all of that for him, if only in the bedroom. Plus, I got to make out with him. So, I know first hand. He'd be _mine_ by now if it weren't for that damn supervisor of yours."

The two Exorcists decided that, for once, Komui and his Komurin creation deserved their thanks. Komui's new 'Allen comlpex,' that was scarier than his sister complex, was finally something other than a nuisance.

"That was borderline sadistic. I don't know how Allen can stomach you. I mean, Allen-" Lavi couldn't find the boy he was addressing.

"Where the hell is the Moyashi?"

"How should I know?"

"He was standing nearest you."

"Well- hey, Komui is gone too."

~ "Thank you Komui, but you don't have to follow me around. I can protect myself, I think."

"That's quite alright Allen-kun. I'm here for you. I simply can't allow either you or Lenalee to be violated or corrupted in anyway. It would be a crime to allow such a thing! Ah! I should show you the new safe room I designed for you! Lenalee has already seen hers."

The room that Allen approached- cautiously- looked like the entrance to a small fortress.

"Uh, Komui, why does it... sort of... look like the Bastille? Are you sure you designed a room and not a dungeon by accident?"

"...Of curse, Allen-kun, of course! Now, if you'll just step inside-"

Allen was shoved into his 'safe room,' the door slammed behind him.

"H-hey! Komui, what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry Allen-kun, but this is the only way to be sure you and Lenalee are safe. I locked Lenalee in her room as well, when Lavi and Tyki's fight became a bit too violent."

"_Komui!_"

"Sorry Allen-kun, but I'm afraid Komurin XIV and I must go destroy your suitors. It's for your own good."

Allen could hear the sounds of the robot getting further and further away.

"...Well, this sucks."

~ "God damnitt Komui! What the hell is your problem? And what have you done with the Moyashi?"

"Mwahahahaha! I have Allen safely hidden away from all you evil, slimey Octopi. I will never allow you to taint sweet, innocent Allen-kun."

"Oudzuchi, Koudzuchi! Get out of the way Komui! I don't want to hurt you, but I'll do whatever it takes to get to Allen." Lavi hit the robot against the wall with his Innocence; however, this Komurin seemed to be quite a bit more resilient than its predecessors.

Tyki watched all this from the side lines. He quickly became impatient, phased through a wall so as to get around Komurin XIV, and continued his search for Allen.

~ "Hey, Lenalee, can you hear me?"

"Just Barely, Allen-kun."

"Ah. Hey, are your Dark Boots useless in these rooms?"

"I'm afraid so. Yours too, huh?"

"Yeah. Do you have a window- a real one? Mine is fake."

"Same here. Nii-san was really thorough with these rooms... So, maybe we could spend this time figuring out who you really want to be with?"

"...Fine. not like there's much else to do..."

"Why don't we start with a 'negative vs. positive ' list for each. That should keep us occupied for a while."

"Grr! Alright. Well, Lavi-"

~"Bloody hell! How big is this place? Maybe I should ask for directions to my Allen." Shortly after this thought Tyki was fortunate to come across the science department and Supervisor Reever.

"Pardon me, but I'm looking for Allen Walker. I believe he has been placed in some sort of... special room," Tyki said in as charming a voice as he could muster for someone who was not his beloved.

Reever looked at him blandly, already too tired and annoyed because of Komui's new complex and new Komurin.

"Who are you? You look like that Noah from Timcanpy's memory of the Ark incident."

"I _am_ a Noah. And I'm just looking for Allen Walker-"

"Yeah, whatever," interrupted an exhausted, peeved Reever, "the possibility of your arrival was mentioned. I don't really care who Allen falls in love with, etc.- he's saved my department and I too often. But I swear to God if you hurt him you will beg for death before the Dark Order's Science Department is through with you," the Australian man said with a continually blank face and flat tone of voice that rather creeped-out the Portuguese Noah.

A dozen scientists appeared behind Reever and nodded their agreement. Tyki regarded them cautiously, nervously. After all, these scientists were of the same sort as that crazy man who had created that insane robot monster.

Reever continued in the same flat voice, "Anyhow, Allen's 'safe room' is on the third floor."

"...Okay... well, thanks. I hope I never have reason to meet any of you again." And Tyki Mikk was gone, phasing through the floor.

"Are you sure it that was wise? Telling a Noah Allen's location? I mean, that guy has tried to kill Allen before..." a scientist asked nervously, fearing for his dear friend.

"Don't worry Johnny, Allen can take care of himself. Besides, everyone is too head-over-heels for the poor boy these days. Even if that Noah wasn't in love with Allen, there are still quite a few other Exorcist's and Noah that would protect him... God, this war has become so bloody strange... Alright everyone, back to work."

As a side note, "Johnny, if you're so worried about that man's intentions why don't you start up a few new experiments for ways to torture the Noah? That's your new assignment, get to it."

The scientist returned to work muttering about the misfortune of the savior Exorcist's life as of late. Poor boy...

~ "Where is Allen, Komui?" Lavi questioned harshly.

"I won't tell an octopus like you. Never!"

"Two things are going to happen if you don't tell me where you've hidden the Moyashi. First, I will personally make sure you are never again able to make another Komurin. Second, I will sick the creepiest Noah, Sheryll Camelot, and Road on you beloved Lenalee"

Komui's eyes widened considerably and despite his insane 'Allen complex,' Sheryll Camelot was far concern and far creepier than his little brother, Tyki Mikk. Komui caved.

"Okay! Please just leave the Camelot's out of this! Anything but that part of the Noah family!"

"So where. Is. The. Moyashi?" Kanda demanded, his patience near it's end.

"Th-third floor, north end!"

~ Due to the amount of time he'd wasted searching the Order aimlessly, Tyki arrived at the 'safe rooms' not minutes before his competition, Lavi and Kanda.

Assuming that the arrival of Allen's suitors meant their freedom, Lenalee was very happy.

The three suitors were certanily not happy in each others presence, as per usual.

Allen, seeing all three men as they fought to get to his door first... he wasn't sure he wanted to be rescued anymore.

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This started as seven pages, likes the prequel, and somehow turned into something a great deal longer. And so, I will now be turnign this into a chaptered fic. I have no idea how this happened.

Also, reviewers are allowed to vote for the person they would like paired with Allen at the end. I have my own ideas for the ending, but I'm willing to change things up.

*(1) There is an ending already written that I like, but decided to change anyhow. So, the asterisk is where that alternate ending would begin.

For those of you waiting for an update to Somewhere I Belong, the next chapter is finally in the works. I'm having such terrible writers block. Even the end of the chapter of this fic was rather forced. For those fics some of you have requested, I am still working on them. Please bear with me.

Thank you so much for reading this. I so hope you enjoy it and find it as fun and amusing as was the first installment. Please review and tell me what you think it. And don't forget to vote for a pairing.

Ja!


	2. BaKanda and the Moyashi

This chapter starts where the asterisk in the first chapter was located, but in case no one noticed the asterisk, I put the scene leading up to it in this chapter.

This is not the end of this fic. There will be a number of different endings, with different pairings- this chapter ends with Kanda/Allen. I hope you enjoy reading this!

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~ "What the hell BaKanda? What are you doing? Would you put me down?"

"Shut up, Moyashi. I just saved you from those two idiots. Be grateful."

"_Grateful_? I didn't need to be saved. And _least_ of all by you. What I need now is to be saved _from_ you. You're going to molest me, _again_, I just know it."

"What are you talking about, Moyashi? You're mine. I can molest you all I want. Besides, you didn't seem to mind too much last time, hardly resisted at all."

"Argh! God damnitt, BaKanda. It's _Allen_! Put me down! And I didn't 'resist' last time because you tied me up, you perverted, sadistic jerk!"

"Che, whatever Moyashi. And- fuck! God damnitt Komui, get that damn robot out of my way!"

Komui and Komurin XIV: Allen Version loomed ahead of them. It seemed that Komui's 'Allen is in danger' sensors had kicked in again.

"Stray here, Moyashi." Setting Allen down, Kanda drew his Mugen, apparently intent on destroying the nuisance that wanted to keep him from getting the frazzled, white haired Exorcist to his room. More specifically, to his _bed_.

"Get the hell out of the way, Komui. I _will_ cut you down."***(the real start of chapter two)**

"How could you Kanda! Allen is _pure_ and _kind_ and _noble_ and I cannot allow you to violate him in such a way. I expected better of you Kanda."

"Che." And then Kanda attacked.

At that moment Lavi, Lenalee, and Tyki made their appearance, the two males still shoving and hitting each other.

"What the hell are you doing _Bookman_. You can't have Allen. Besides, I totally kicked your ass back there. Back _off_."

"Shut the hell up, _Noah_. You certainly can't have him. And I told you, I can't fight properly in such a small space."

"How is that my fault? And I can too have Allen. I'm sure the Earl won't mind if-"

"The Earl? You really think Allen is going to be with you if you still side with that bastard? Are you _delusional_? At least I'm on the same side as-"

"You aren't on any side, Bookman, remember? You can't take sides and you can't have a heart. Allen deserves better than-"

"Would the both of you shut thebloody hell up! Jesus. It's like dealing with a bunch of five year olds. God… well, since you both sorted everything out for me, I guess I really don't have to choose between the three of you. Since I can't be with Lavi because he's a Bookman-to-be and I can't be with Tyki because he sides with the bad guy, I guess that only leaves Kanda."

Everyone present simply stared at him, as if what the cursed teen had said made absolutely no sense. Even Kanda, despite being thrilled about Allen's decision, looked rather shocked at the abrupt end to all the fighting and courting.

It was then that 'Black Allen' resurfaced and smiled seductively (and rather evilly, of course) at the samurai.

"Hey, Bakanda, want to go make-out?"

Kanda just grinned, and dragged his Moyashi away.

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I hope everyone who took the time to read this chapter enjoy it. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, etc., for chapter one. Please be kind and review this chapter as well, and tell me which pairing you all want to read next! I'm having such awful writers block- it just won't end- so suggestions are always welcome. Thanks again!


	3. I Don't Share

Finally, chapter three! This chapter is **Tyki/Allen**. I'm so sorry it took so long, but I'm no good at being funny, darn it! Regardless, I hope you like it.

Also, this chapter continues on from chapter one, so just ignore chapter two while reading this chapter.

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Chapter Three: I Don't Share

Seeing all three men fight to get to get to his door first… he wasn't sure he wanted to be rescued anymore.

"Oh god, Lenalee, what am I going to do?"

"Calm down, Allen. It's all very romantic, actually. Three handsome, strong young… _men_ fighting over their fair-haired beloved, not quite damsel in distress…"

From the sound of her voice, Allen knew the girl's eyes had gone hazy, a dreamy expression on her face as her mind conjured some twisted fairytale he was certain he wanted no part of.

"Why don't such romantic things happen to me?"

"Because Reever would torture and kill anyone who came on to you, without Komui's help. Your paramour takes the cake for psychopath boyfriend… then again, I imagine Tyki and Kanda would be the same way," Allen finished with a grumble of annoyance.

Lenalee laughed a bit awkwardly. "Yeah… I guess I did end up with the only man in the world like my brother. It just figures."

"At least he's a _responsible_, evil, genius scientist. He probably doesn't even know about you being locked up down here. If he finds out before my own psychopath suitors get us out of here I think we might be attending Komui's funeral in the very near future."

Allen heard Lenalee groan in dismay. And he was fairly certain that the thumping noise he now heard was indicative of the Chinese girl now banging her head against the wall. He looked back to the three men coming to 'rescue' him and also became dismayed. It was now his turn to bang his head against the wall.

~ "Goddamn Noah! Where the hell did you come from?"

"Your… _interesting_ science department was kind enough to direct me to my Allen's location."

Both Exorcists blanched, silently vowing to destroy them for such treachery.

"Damn those geeks! Hey, get away from that door, Beauty Mark! Moyashi's mine! It's my job to rescue him."

"Shut it, Yuu! He's mine and you know it!"

"I don't _know_ anything. Moyashi's been mine since his first day here, so back. _off_."

"His first day? I heard you attacked him and were cruel to him the moment he arrived. How is that kind of behavior a declaration of love and possession, idiot Samurai?"

"At least I didn't act like a cocky moron and treat him like a child!"

Allen, Lenalee, and Tyki watched the argument with varied measures of irritation and an obnoxious sense of déjà-vu. And yet again, the two Exorcists failed to notice a certain Noah's disappearance.

Tyki Mikk approached the door to Allen's 'safe room' with extreme caution. Considering the architect of these rooms, he was certain that reaching his beloved would be difficult. Oddly enough, it wasn't. Until he tried to open the door, that is.

"What the hell? Allen, it won't open, even after picking the lock."

"Can't you phase through the door and pull out the locking mechanism? Or at least get me out?"

"No, it won't work. There must be Innocence laced into it in some fashion. I bet the entire exterior of these rooms are laced with Innocence, somehow. And even if I could get in, I couldn't get you out because of the Innocence that is your left arm."

"…Oh, right," Allen said in disappointment.

"You know, if there's a lock there must be a key," Lenalee interjected.

"True, but where would I even begin to look for such an obviously unique and coveted key?"

"When you were in the Science Department, you met Supervisor Reever, right? Well, go find him again. He almost undoubtedly knows where my brother hid that key."

"…Why would he do that for me?"

"Just tell him I'm locked up down here, too. He'll jump to help you."

Tyki gave her a questioning look.

"Don't worry, he will. He's my boyfriend, after all."

"Let me get this straight… That mad man with the robot is _your brother_," an affirmative nod from the Chinese girl, "and the rather scary scientist I just had a very creepy conversation with is _your boyfriend_." Another affirmative nod from the girl.

Tyki just blinked at the young woman in astonishment for a moment, as though he'd never seen her before.

"You are officially the most frightening woman I have ever met," the Noah said before turning and making his way through the ceiling and to the scientists he'd sincerely hoped he would never again have to see.

"Are you sure it's wise to involve Reever?"

"Of course Allen-kun! I give Tyki and Reever ten, maybe fifteen minutes before they're back with the key, my brother, or both. You'll see," Lenalee finished, her voice far too chipper considering their situation.

Six minutes later Kanda and Lavi's argument had turned into a fist fight. Consequently they didn't seem to notice when a small entourage passed them by three minutes into the fight. Reever dragged Komui down the hall by the ear, an amused Tyki followed just behind them, and a very battered and morose looking Komurin XIV took up the rear.

"Open the doors, Komui," Reever growled at the older scientist.

"But Reever, surely _you_ understand how much better-"

"Open them _now_, Komui," the exhausted and irate boyfriend repeated as he shoved his boss towards the safe rooms.

Komui squeaked in fear and scrambled to the find the right key for the doors.

"Much obliged to you," Tyki said to the Reever, as he moved to embrace his now free beloved.

Reever grunted his acknowledgement as he went to pull his girlfriend away from her psychotic brother (who was likely also his future brother-in-law- a thought Reever internally flinched at).

"Ni-san, you know better than to use Innocence for personal projects. Just wait until I tell Hevlaska about this."

"But _Lenalee_! It was a creation specific Innocence and I _needed_ it! I had to have a way to keep you and Allen safe from octopi _and _Noah!"

"_Ni-san_, report to your office straight away!"

"Yes Lenalee," Komui said dejectedly before shuffling away, both he and his Komurin taking on a defeated posture.

"Let's get out of here," Lenalee said to her boyfriend as soon as her brother was out of sight. She smiled at him mischievously and snatched up one of his hands, tugging him away.

"Whatever you say, my love."

In a twinkling they were gone.

"So fast."

"Yeah. And so scary. That girl terrifies me, Allen."

"Me too… Well, thanks for getting me out of there, Tyki."

"Of course, Allen, anything for you."

The white-haired teen began to worry again as Tyki leaned further forward and he was pulled flush against the taller man. He was beginning to remember why he didn't want to be rescued.

"Ah, well, Tyki," he started as he pushed away from the persistent Noah, "I think I should check on Lavi and Kanda, make sure they haven't killed one another."

Allen quickly escaped his Portuguese suitor and sprinted the short distance down the hall to his other suitors. He was surprised to find them sitting against the walls on opposite sides of the hallway, looking quite a bit worse for wear. He slowed his approach, not sure if he would need to run form one or both of them, yet again. He was more surprised to hear that they'd returned to fighting verbally and, at first, their argument didn't surprise him. He decided that he wanted to hear the end of this argument and see if they came up with a way for him to choose which of them should be his boyfriend.

~ "Oh, really? Well _you_ have tried to kill him!"

"So have _you_!"

"Because I thought he was working for the Earl- the Gate Keeper even said so! What's your excuse?"

"I was possessed because of something or other that Road did. It wasn't a conscious act!"

Listening to the argument as he stalled his approach, Allen couldn't help but sigh in annoyance. Their arguments were going to go in circles forever and he had no idea how to stop it.

Lavi grunted in pain as he repositioned himself against the stone wall. Across the hall Kanda simply continued to glare at him. This stale mate lasted approximately thirty seconds before the red head suddenly growled in frustration and turned away from Kanda. Kanda did nothing more than cross him arms over his chest and huff in annoyance. With a sigh of resignation, Lavi started massaging his temples, as if afflicted with a headache.

"You know, this isn't getting us anywhere," Lavi began in a weary voice, "_We_ certainly can't figure out who'd be best for him, and it really isn't our place to do so. And Allen is too confused to pick just one of us, so-" Lavi abruptly stopped speaking, eyes wide. "'Just one of us?'" He repeated, as if to himself. A grin began to spread across his face.

Allen couldn't help but wonder what sort of epiphany the junior Bookman had just had. He continued to listen intently, not particularly minding the Noah that stood behind him, who was listening as well.

"What are you thinking, baka Usagi?"

For another moment the Usagi didn't answer, seeming to sort something out in his head.

"Usagi, my patience-"

"Shush, Yuu. You don't have _any _patience. I was just trying to figure out the logistics of… well, you see… if Allen can't pick '_just one of us'_ then why force him to?"

Allen saw Kanda's eyes narrow, but he missed the similar reaction of the Noah still standing behind him

"Usagi, if you think that I'd be willing to have a, a _threesome_ with you, then you are more deranged than I previously believed."

"No, no, not a threesome. You think I want to have sex in any manner that involves you? What I mean is that we share Allen, is all. He spends certain times with you and certain times with me. The three of us wouldn't be together unless Allen wanted us to be."

"So, I don't have to be with you, ever, but I can be with the Moyashi?"Kanda asked skeptically, but hopefully.

"Yeah, think about it. _No one_ has Allen now, but if we were just willing to share then at least we could be with Allen _sometimes_."

"I guess, the idea has merit…baka Usagi."

"And then maybe Allen could-"

"'Allen' could what, Lavi? Could suddenly retake control of his life?"

Allen watched as Lavi and Kanda's eyes went wide as saucers, not having expected that their amour was listening in on their questionable conversation.

"When did you get rescue-"

"It doesn't matter! How _dare_ you! How dare the two of you assume that I would _ever_ let something so like a, like a _harem_ enter my life! What, do the two of you think I would ever act like such a whore?"

"No, Allen-"

"Moyashi, I never-"

"Shut up, both of you," Tyki said in a booming, angry voice.

Allen flinched at the angry command, having nearly forgotten that Tyki was behind him. But looking to the older man's face he was instantly reassured and he could tell that he was just as angry about the Exorcists' conversation as he was.

"Allen is not something you can divide up. He's too bloody precious to share. And I can tell you right off, that no matter what you two idiots think or decide, he won't agree and neither will I."

The two beaten up Exorcists on the floor just stared at Tyki in astonishment. They hadn't expected something so romantic to come from the mouth of such a greedy individual. However, at the same time, Allen's face lit up with such joy and adoration that it was almost blinding.

"Do you mean that, Tyki?"

Tyki looked into the adorable and suddenly _adoring_ face of his beloved and even if he hadn't meant it before, he did now.

"_Of course_. Whatever you want, my darling."

The mischievous smirk that suddenly donned the face of his young love almost frightened him. The moment Allen turned to fully face him and wrapped both arms around his neck, leaning into him, he knew that nothing but good things would happen in his very near future.

"_Tyki-pon_, why don't we get out of here, hmmm?"

Tyki gulped nervously before replying almost breathlessly, "_Allen_… whatever you say, my love."

Allen grinned evilly, snatched one of Tyki's hands and dragged him back to his safe room.

"I think perhaps we ought to make good use of these rooms before they're destroyed, don't you think?"

"Anything you want Allen. Anything you want," Tyki finished with an evil grin of his own.

Tyki Mikk quickly slammed the door to Allen's safe room behind himself. Two flabbergasted Exorcists still sat on the floor, staring blankly at the door into which their love had just vanished with the enemy. They could only wonder where everything had gone so, so wrong.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who has been following and supprting this fic! I really, really, really appreciate it! I know it took me forever to finally finish chapter three, but I hope you found it good enough to make up for the wait. Thanks again!


	4. Damsel in Distress

This is going to be the last chapter of this fic as I've not been happy with it since chapter two. Chapter three was terribly strange and have no idea where that Tyki/Allen ending came from- It has started to read more like an actual story than the completely random crack-fic it was supposed to be. So, this is the final chapter with a Lavi/Allen pairing.

This chapter starts at the second line.

* * *

"What the bloody hell do you think you're _doing_ here, Tyki?"

"I wanted to see you, Shounen. Ever since you were stolen away by that stupid ponytail Samurai… I can't stop thinking about you… more than usual. I so desperately wanted to see you."

"And I know just _what_ you were thinking about me, I'm sure! Well, now you've seen me. Would you please get out of my room before someone finds out you're here and tries to kill you. Before _I_ try to kill you."

"Allen, my love, you wouldn't really kill me would you? And even if you wanted me dead, surely you wouldn't anyone else to kill me, yes?"

"…there is something _wrong_ with you." As he said this Tyki had been slowly backing Allen to the bed.

"I'm love sick, Allen love. Only you can cure me." The white haired teen was abruptly pinned to the aforementioned bed.

"Tyki Mi-" Allen was cut off by the lips of a certain sexy Noah. The younger was only wide-eyed and pissed off for a moment. As soon as tanned hands began slowly, sensually moving up Allen's pale sides he was lost. Tyki's hands moved to wrap around the boys back as he started to kiss and bite down his neck. The little moan these actions dragged from Allen's throat was absolutely _divine_ to the Noah's ears.

"_Tyki_." It seemed the only thing the Exorcist was capable of saying.

Just as Tyki was about to do a little victory dance in his head, a wall exploded behind him and a veritable monster emerged (read: Komurin).

Komui focused on Allen with an intensity that would have scared even Lenalee.

"Allen-kun! Are you alright? Are you okay? Has anyone touched you?"

"No Komui-san, I'm fine. But you're Komurin just destroyed my wall, so-"

"Don't worry about that Allen-kun. I've built a new room for you already. It's 100% guaranteed to keep all these horrible, slimy octopi away from you. And-… Allen, who is this nefarious looking fellow lurking in your room?"

"He's just a pervert who won't leave me be, Komui-san." Allen grinned evilly, knowing what kind of reaction those words would get him because of Komui's new 'Allen complex.'

"But Allen, my love, I'm not a pervert, I just-"

"'_Just'_ what, Tyki? We went over this last week. A person does not express love by constantly trying to get into the other person's _pants_! Honestly…"

"Allen-kun, has this fellow been trying to… to _violate_ you?" An evil glint entered Komui's eyes. "Mwahahahaha! You will now face the wrath of Komurin XIV: Allen Version! My latest and greatest invention!"

Tyki looked truly concerned. "Uh, Allen, is this really necessary…?" Tyki tried to hide behind Allen, to no avail. "What _is_ that thing?"

"You brought this upon yourself-"

"Haha! I can finally test out the new brainwashing feature of Komur-"

"Allen-kun, what's going on here? We heard so much…noise…" Lenalee and Lavi stood by the remnants of Allen's door frame in shock as they took in the scene before them. Komurin was currently trying to pry an oddly frightened looking Noah of Pleasure off of a very annoyed looking Allen Walker.

"Ah! Lenalee, Lavi. So good to see you. Do you think you could help get this bloody _persistent_ Noah _off_ of me?"

"O-Of, course Allen-kun," Lenalee all but stammered. "Komui-nii-san, have Komurin let go of the pervert-stalker-Noah. We'll take care of him."

("I'm not a pervert!" "But you admit to being a stalker?" "...")

"But Lenalee!"

"Nii-san!" Knowing that her tone usually meant the imminent destruction of one of his beloved Komurin, he left. Turning back to Allen and Tyki, the Chinese Exorcist had an odd sense of déjà-vu.

* * *

"So you admit to being a stalker?" Lavi retorted. He hated when _anyone_ tried to make _his_ Allen's life any more difficult than it already was.

"…Well, maybe a little… but he's my Allen, so it's perfectly natural," Tyki countered as he and the red head ignored the argument between the Lee siblings, despite that it was happening just next to them.

"He isn't _your_ Allen, damnitt! And I can't believe he'd ever want to be with a creepy stalker like you!"

"Don't be stupid, Red. I'm a very attractive gentleman- a Marquis who can give him anything and everything he could ever want. You're just an apprentice to Bookman-"

"Shut up! You are no gentleman, title or no. And Allen isn't materialistic like you. Besides, I can hardly be called a 'Bookman' when I've fallen in love and have no intention of leaving my love. Stupid Noah."

Allen had been listening closely to the conversation, mostly to make sure that no one would notice his escape. Still, he found that he was rather flattered by the unabashed devotion of these two men. As he was still confused, the cornerstone of quite a few quarrels, and in danger of losing his earthly innocence he decided to flee. No argument related to himself would end well and he'd just rather avoid the unavoidably violent aftermath. Moments after he left his destroyed bedroom he was joined by Komui.

"I'm fine, you know. You don't have to follow me everywhere."

"How can you ask me to leave your side with all these horrid octopi lurking about?"

"There aren't any here, but you just left Lenalee with _two_ 'octopi.' Maybe you should-"

"Lenalee! No!"

Allen stared after the mad scientist for amoment as he and is monster robot rushed back to save his sister. He was surprised that his ploy to get rid of Komui had worked. Then again, it was surprising that he'd been given a place with Lenalee as an object of Komui's adoration and insanity. Snapping out of his thoughts he turned and sprinted to the cafeteria, fearing there might be more obstacles between him and Jerry's divine cooking.

"Jerry-san! Am I ever glad to see you!"

"Allen-kun, always nice to see you too, cutie-pie! The usual order?"

"With extra mitarashi-dango today? Please?"

Twenty seconds later Jerry reappeared with a veritable mountain of Allen's favorite dessert.

"Rough day? I heard that that sadistic, gorgeous Noah suitor of yours is here. How I would love to have such a paramour. Ah, young love!"

"Umm, yeah… Well, thanks Jerry-san!" Allen said awkwardly as he grabbed the rest of his order which had appeared just as magically as his dessert.

"You're welcome sweetheart!"

Allen sat down in a far corner of the cafeteria, not wanting to be noticed or disturbed by his suitors, or anyone else for that matter. After a few minutes peace he relaxed and began to eat in earnest.

"Che, glutton."

Allen nearly jumped out of his skin at hearing the voice of one of his admirers. He quickly turned to look at the ever annoyed Japanese teen who stood next to him. He glared at the older boy, incredibly annoyed at having been snuck up on and interrupted while eating.

"_Bakanda_, what do you want?"

Kanda said nothing as he sat down next to his Moyashi. Allen glared a moment longer, but when Kanda remained silent, calmly sipping his tea and eating his soba, he decided to return to his own sustenance. Unfortunately, the calm and quiet only lasted another few minutes. The white haired teen was horrified to see Lavi and Tyki burst through the cafeteria doors.

"Allen, my love, I've found you again!" Allen could swear he saw little, pink hearts fluttering around the other Noah's head.

"Shut-up, Beauty-mark. You just followed me. Anyone who knows Allen-chan well enough knows that Jerry's kitchen is his favorite place to be."

Pushing and hitting each other, Tyki and Lavi quickly moved to sit in front of Allen. They continued to argue loudly for another two minutes, completely unaware of Allen's growing rage. The sound of metal snapping instantly stopped their bickering. The duo looked at the pronged half of a fork lying in an unfinished plate of pasta, then to the horns that mysteriously appeared atop a white-haired head. A sense of impending doom settled over them (as well as everyone else in a half mile radius). After all, Black Allen was far more frightening than Cross and the Earl combined.

"A-Allen?" Lavi started nervously. "Maybe it would be best-"

"Shut up."

"Allen, love, perhaps-" Tyki tried.

"Shut. _Up_. Both of you." Allen was in no mood to be placated.

Lavi and Tyki shrunk in their seats. Kanda smirked at them over his tea cup, but moved a few seats from his Moyashi. Just in case. Even he was scared of Black Allen.

"I don't want to hear one. more. _word-_ from either of you. If you speak again during my meal, disrupt the peace of my sanctuary in Jerry-san's cafeteria, or try to keep me from his delicious cooking for even a _moment_ I will never speak to you again. Do I make myself clear?"

The red head and the brunette nodded anxiously, eyes wide in fear and looking very much like reprimanded children. Judging the danger to be past, Kanda returned to his place near his Moyashi. From that point on the cafeteria remained silent. While Allen ate, each of his suitors watched him in their own way: Tyki gazed at him in unrepressed adoration; Lavi watched him inhale his food in wonder and amusement, as he always did; and though he couldn't keep from grimacing at the sheer quantity and speed at which Allen consumed his meal, it was easy enough to see the fondness in the glances Kanda sent the younger boy's way.

Thirteen main courses, nine appetizers, and three desserts later, on top of the mountain of mitarashi-dango, Allen had finished his meal. Surrounded by towers of plates, the glutton of a teenager sat quietly and sipped a cup of earl grey.

"Allen-"

"Shut up. I am happily digesting my fantastic meal."

"I was just going to ask if I could take your dishes away for you?"

Allen blinked at him curiously for a moment. "Thank you, Lavi," he said hesitantly, fully expecting some sort of hidden agenda- and rightfully so.

"I'll help!" Tyki immediately, and far too enthusiastically, offered.

Allen watched them, skeptical of their 'gentlemanly' intentions. He looked at Kanda, afraid the Samurai might do something just as out of character as the other two men were. It wasn't exactly out of character, but the unabashed lustful leer he was receiving made him just as nervous.

Lavi and Tyki hadn't been away from Allen for more than thirty seconds. Half a minute was, apparently, more than enough time for Kanda to disappear with the object of their psychotic affections. Neither man was pleased.

"This is your fault, Noah!"

"How do you figure that, Cyclops?"

"Ever since you and the other Noah came into the picture things have become increasingly complicated."

"I still don't see how that makes this situation my fault."

They argued a few more minutes before giving up and splitting up to search. Lavi was fairly certain he knew where Kanda was taking Allen and he didn't want the Noah in the way.

It wasn't until several minutes after leaving the dining hall that Allen regained consciousness. As his hazy mind cleared, he began to more thoroughly take in his surroundings. The spacious room he was in was lit with nothing more than an oil lamp and a few candles scattered about. He became uneasy when he realized he was on a plush bed that he was certain he'd never seen before. He nearly fell off the bed in his surprise as Kanda materialized out of the shadows the bedroom was drowning in. Allen paled at the glazed look in the Samurai's eyes. He backed into the headboard as Kanda sat next to him.

He was almost undoubtedly on his Ark. Worse, he was in a bedroom with a lusty, morally challenged Bakanda. This was _so_ not good.

Lavi knew for sure that his blue-eyed rival in love had taken Allen to the Ark when he came upon an open gateway and a number of battered and unconscious scientists. Now the only problem was finding his little Moyashi amongst the seemingly endless rooms. This was _so_ not good. But he would succeed! He had to. Everyone knew that, when it came to Allen, Kanda was selfish (more so than usual), borderline crazed, and uncharacteristically needy. He had to save his Allen-chanbefore the Kanda seduced him and stole his heart.

"Bakanda, what are you doing? Stay away! Wait! Really, Kanda!"

Just as Kanda was about to _literally_ rip Allen's clothes off, Lavi burst into the room.

"Allen! Allen, I'm here to rescue you!"

Surprised that his hiding place was so quickly discovered, Kanda was completely unprepared for Oudzuchi, Koudzuchi as it came flying toward his head. The Samurai was unconscious before he hit the ground.

"Allen-chan, are you alright? Thank god I found you when I did."

"Lavi…" the younger teen said dreamily, "Lavi, you came to save me."

"Of course, Allen, I love you."

Unbeknownst to any of his suitors, Allen had developed '_damsel in distress'*_ syndrome due to being kidnapped so often. Thus, the growing affection Allen had held for the red haired Exorcist shifted and turned into endless adoration and love.

"Oh, Lavi, I love you so much. I'm so glad you saved me from Kanda. Now that I think about it, you saved me from Tyki earlier today, too."

The red head nearly melted at hearing his one and only say those three magic words. Fortunately, he still possessed the presence of mind to realize that he and his love had to get out of that room and away from the still unconscious Kanda.

"Allen-chan, as happy as I am to hear you say that and as much as I would like to simply ravish you right now, we need to get out of here. If Yuu wakes up now, he's going to kill me."

"Alright. Where are we going?"

"Somewhere safe, to hide till Lenalee has the chance to calm Kanda down a bit. And some place Beauty-mark can't follow. Any ideas?"

"I might know a place," he said, a mischievous grin forming on his pretty face. Lavi swooned just that much more.

"Lead the way, my love!"

A few minutes later found the new couple ensconced in the Ark's secret piano room. The furious Samurai wandering around the Ark, destroying buildings (and anything else in his way) as he went was completely ignored. The Noah of Pleasure, who'd finally figured out that Allen had been taken to the white Ark, was also ignored.

For the rest of the day, and most of the night, Allen and Lavi made very good use of the piano room's couch… as well as most of the rest of the furniture. The happy couple wasn't seen until late the next day, when Allen's stomach became impossible to ignore.

* * *

*I know it's not called _'damsel in distress'_ syndrome, but I couldn't remember what it was called, so if anyh=one can tell me the real name, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you everyone who has been reading and following this fic. It's not as great as I hoped, but it would seem I'm not so great at sequels in general. I apologize for taking so many months to update and finalize this fic, but I've completely lost inspiration and interest in it. I hope, at least, that this chapter is better than the last one.

Thanks for your support!


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